Raccoons are like furry little bandit squirrels that have a mind of their own and cannot be controlled by any force on this or any other planet, so whoever it belongs to, it's probably not their fault and you shouldn't blame them.
Not that I know who that is. It could be anybody. Maybe it's the queen's raccoon. Maybe we should all just stop speculating, I guess we'll never know haha crazy, but anyway, something definitely broke a few minutes ago?
I tried, she's not listening to me. She's kind of feral.
I mean, not that I would know. She just seems feral, from the two seconds that I saw her as an absolute stranger in the hallway we both happened to be walking down before she went into your room. I tried too stop her, there was a whole kung-fu battle, I think lasers were involved, I
( And then, very abruptly, there's Cassian. He tries not to look startled, and immediately forgets what he'd been saying.
His eyes flick from the man to the basket, a look of understanding, and then an enthusiastic nod. )
She absolutely can, yeah. Junk food and shiny things are like her two highest priorities. ( Wait, shit, he's supposed to be maintaining plausible deniability — so he tacks on an unconvincing: ) ...I assume.
[ His long pause had been due to a quick detour through the kitchens and an fast on his feet explanation to the chef about why he was looking for food to bribe a creature. Thankfully they hadn't seemed (too) fazed by the request from a charming man to question it too throughly.
The look in his eyes is clearly a disbelieving one but he'll let it slide. Again. Stepping up to the door and beside Jack he opens up the basket. ]
( He gives the contents a quick look-over and nods approvingly — with a particular gesture toward one of the tiny, slimy-looking fish they'd had the foresight to pack. )
That'll probably work, especially if it smells... loud.
( Look, he doesn't make the trash panda rules, they like stinky things. )
Maybe if you kind of... hold it up to the crack under the door, I can call to her, and she'll unlock it?
[ There's only a beat of confusion before the smell hits him. Ah. Loud. His nose wrinkles mildly but nods, extracting the fish from the basket and positions himself by the door.
He can hear the chaos from here which means the state of his room is probably going to be a sorry state. ]
Do you think she'll listen? [ A pause as he gives him a look. ] Since you just fought her with lasers.
( Loud, he nods sagely at Cassian's wrinkled nose. You get it now.
Jack takes up post just to Cassian's side, hand hovering over the knob, waiting to spring with reflexes decidedly less than catlike. It's fine. They've got this. They can do it. )
Only one way to find out.
( He says, instead of owning up to his terrible lie. And so he begins to coo gently, his voice soft and appealing: )
Rita! Dinner! Come get some food. Come on, girl. Good dog.
( Evidently giving up all pretense that he isn't familiar with this creature. After a beat, whiskers stick out of the door near Cassian's hand. A moment later, a tiny little paw reaches underneath the crack, groping at Cassian's fish-hand. )
No- no, you have to open the door, Rita. It won't fit. It's a big fish.
( After a mistrustful moment, the paw disappears. There's a soft click of the lock, and Jack jerks the knob before she can change her mind, swinging the door open.
Cassian's room is in disarray. Beneath his bed, two glowing, wary eyes peer out of the darkness. Jack nudges him forth — after all, he's holding the fish. )
[ The tiny paw looks...awfully familiar to something he's seen recently. It doesn't take him that much longer to connect the dots. Rocket. Then again he shouldn't be so quick to rush to conclusions here. Just because a species had the same hands didn't mean they were exactly the same.
The realization distracts him momentarily from his skepticism that Jack looks suited for this particular adventure they're about to embark on. By the time he's about to question this a little further however the door swings open.
The state of his room is as he suspected it would be and his mouth settles into a line that holds back the sigh written on his face. Fortunately he isn't the sort to keep many trinkets or have a lot of stuff in general so it's nothing that can't be replaced. It's probably better to focus on the fact that he might not have a room after this if he can't Rita out of it.
Jack's nudge is met with a mild look of exasperation but he crouches, creeping forward towards his bed holding out the fish. ]
Rita...was it? If you come out of the room, there's more fish where this came from.
( Those two glowing eyes blink at Cassian as though they understand him — and then, ever so slowly, something creeps out from under the bed. She looks like rocket a little, except for the part where she's ever-so-faintly glowing, and there are two luna moth wings folded at her back.
None of that matters right now. What matters now is that her tiny little paw is reachy-reaching for the fish in Cassian's hand. )
Throw it.
( Jack murmurs out of the side of his mouth, and then repeats in a faintly lower whisper: )
[ The glowing eyes which are quickly followed by the glowing body leave him relatively unfazed. His interactions with animals is slim to none; little wildlife could actually survive on Ferrix's barren landscape and anything that could would sooner rip your hand off than be pet.
He figures following that same logic will save him from a similar fate. Which is why he takes Jack's advice and launches the fish out into the hall.
The fish goes sailing - but smacks Jack right in the face. Cassian's eyes widen only to see a glowing streak fly from beneath the bed straight for the man. ]
( And this is the story all about how Jack got slapped in the face with a fish and almost mauled by his own raccoon familiar. One second he's bracing himself to slam the door shut, the next it's a Holy Mackerel in the most literal sense, and a streaking blur of black and neon green as Rita fucking launches herself at sonic speeds toward Jack.
Jack may trust Rita's loyalty in life or death situations, but he does not trust her not to maul him in pursuit of fish, and so he squawks in undignified protest- )
Rita no!
( Stumbling backward, his heel clips a book and his legs go flying out from under him. His ass hits the stonework hard, but it puts enough distance between himself and the furry homing missile that he manages to peel the fish off and he flings it--
[ It probably goes without saying that Cassian definitely hadn't intended on throwing the fish at Jack's face. But he had just been there. He hadn't asked him to stand in the fish's trajectory. There's a brief moment of watching this chaos unfold and being absolutely dumbfounded by it before trying to launch into action and grapple Rita off of Jack.
Key word being try.
As he reaches down to grasp for Rita the fish smacks him square in the face prompting his own undignified squawk. Quick reflexes have him grabbing a hold of the fish and trying to fling it out the door again, but before he can, a blur tackles him to the ground. With his hands up trying to protect his face he doesn't see the smelly fish in all its slimy glory goes flying...right back towards Jack. ]
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Re: Early April
incident?
what incident?
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( S o m e b o d y ' s. Who could it belong to.
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what is a raccoon and why is it in my room
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Not that I know who that is. It could be anybody. Maybe it's the queen's raccoon. Maybe we should all just stop speculating, I guess we'll never know haha crazy, but anyway, something definitely broke a few minutes ago?
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Wherever he is, he's doing a hard u-turn back around to his room. ]
right
if they have a mind of their own can't you reason with them and ask them to not break anything else
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I mean, not that I would know. She just seems feral, from the two seconds that I saw her as an absolute stranger in the hallway we both happened to be walking down before she went into your room. I tried too stop her, there was a whole kung-fu battle, I think lasers were involved, I
I am so sorry.
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I just have a really deep-rooted sense of empathy
( It doesn't end in a question mark, but something about it kind of makes it feel like it absolutely ends in a question mark. )
1/2
2/2 LMASDF EM I FORGOT TO HIT SEND!!!
negl i was fully dead about only having that first expression for so long lmaooo
just imagine that there was that much of a pause between messages LMASDKL
[ And that's when Jack will see him emerge from around the corner...with a basket full of food. ]
Can it be bribed?
looool
( And then, very abruptly, there's Cassian. He tries not to look startled, and immediately forgets what he'd been saying.
His eyes flick from the man to the basket, a look of understanding, and then an enthusiastic nod. )
She absolutely can, yeah. Junk food and shiny things are like her two highest priorities. ( Wait, shit, he's supposed to be maintaining plausible deniability — so he tacks on an unconvincing: ) ...I assume.
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The look in his eyes is clearly a disbelieving one but he'll let it slide. Again. Stepping up to the door and beside Jack he opens up the basket. ]
Will any of this do? I don't have anything shiny.
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That'll probably work, especially if it smells... loud.
( Look, he doesn't make the trash panda rules, they like stinky things. )
Maybe if you kind of... hold it up to the crack under the door, I can call to her, and she'll unlock it?
no subject
[ There's only a beat of confusion before the smell hits him. Ah. Loud. His nose wrinkles mildly but nods, extracting the fish from the basket and positions himself by the door.
He can hear the chaos from here which means the state of his room is probably going to be a sorry state. ]
Do you think she'll listen? [ A pause as he gives him a look. ] Since you just fought her with lasers.
no subject
Jack takes up post just to Cassian's side, hand hovering over the knob, waiting to spring with reflexes decidedly less than catlike. It's fine. They've got this. They can do it. )
Only one way to find out.
( He says, instead of owning up to his terrible lie. And so he begins to coo gently, his voice soft and appealing: )
Rita! Dinner! Come get some food. Come on, girl. Good dog.
( Evidently giving up all pretense that he isn't familiar with this creature. After a beat, whiskers stick out of the door near Cassian's hand. A moment later, a tiny little paw reaches underneath the crack, groping at Cassian's fish-hand. )
No- no, you have to open the door, Rita. It won't fit. It's a big fish.
( After a mistrustful moment, the paw disappears. There's a soft click of the lock, and Jack jerks the knob before she can change her mind, swinging the door open.
Cassian's room is in disarray. Beneath his bed, two glowing, wary eyes peer out of the darkness. Jack nudges him forth — after all, he's holding the fish. )
no subject
The realization distracts him momentarily from his skepticism that Jack looks suited for this particular adventure they're about to embark on. By the time he's about to question this a little further however the door swings open.
The state of his room is as he suspected it would be and his mouth settles into a line that holds back the sigh written on his face. Fortunately he isn't the sort to keep many trinkets or have a lot of stuff in general so it's nothing that can't be replaced. It's probably better to focus on the fact that he might not have a room after this if he can't Rita out of it.
Jack's nudge is met with a mild look of exasperation but he crouches, creeping forward towards his bed holding out the fish. ]
Rita...was it? If you come out of the room, there's more fish where this came from.
no subject
None of that matters right now. What matters now is that her tiny little paw is reachy-reaching for the fish in Cassian's hand. )
Throw it.
( Jack murmurs out of the side of his mouth, and then repeats in a faintly lower whisper: )
Throw it into the hall.
( Maybe she'll chase after it. )
no subject
He figures following that same logic will save him from a similar fate. Which is why he takes Jack's advice and launches the fish out into the hall.
The fish goes sailing - but smacks Jack right in the face. Cassian's eyes widen only to see a glowing streak fly from beneath the bed straight for the man. ]
no subject
Jack may trust Rita's loyalty in life or death situations, but he does not trust her not to maul him in pursuit of fish, and so he squawks in undignified protest- )
Rita no!
( Stumbling backward, his heel clips a book and his legs go flying out from under him. His ass hits the stonework hard, but it puts enough distance between himself and the furry homing missile that he manages to peel the fish off and he flings it--
Directly back at Cassian. )
no subject
Key word being try.
As he reaches down to grasp for Rita the fish smacks him square in the face prompting his own undignified squawk. Quick reflexes have him grabbing a hold of the fish and trying to fling it out the door again, but before he can, a blur tackles him to the ground. With his hands up trying to protect his face he doesn't see the smelly fish in all its slimy glory goes flying...right back towards Jack. ]