if i said i wanted space i would have said so why would i want space from you ?
( he's always bailing her out of #situations (walking back from the resort, the rave, the maelstrom of feelings—), so it's not like he's been a negative fixture in her life here in diadem.
rather, she thinks as her hold on her phone tightens, he might consider her burdensome instead. )
[ Her question is one that he can't being to answer - mostly because he doesn't have an answer to it. There's a stretch of silence as he stares at his phone trying to come up with some kind of explanation for his flighty tendencies. ]
I ran into other people who wanted that. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed.
[ It certainly feels a little like one. And he's not entirely sure how he feels about that. Cassian and interrogations typically didn't mix well regardless of who was doing the interrogating. Not because he couldn't withstand the pressure but because he didn't like feeling like his back was up against a wall.
Which makes this all the more uncomfortable. And what makes his text message apology seem disingenuous to him. Whatever pebble she'd tossed into the metaphorical pond is doing its job; several emotions begin to bubble in his chest as he stares at her text, brow furrowing even more at the wording of it. Is this still about what he'd done? ]
We're friends. But wanting space after something like that and getting rid of me aren't the same thing. You know that, right?
( maybe she's thinking in extremes; it's either one thing or the other, isn't it? when he points it out, it makes sense—of course she knows that. but it's a bad habit that she's clung to for this long.
the confirmation that they're friends (look at how far they've come) makes her tense shoulders relax for a moment, as she finds the words to answer to him. )
i'm used to people not wanting to be around me anymore because of the things i can do. it scares them.
( this being something she had told him before, when she first shared with him about part of her powers— )
i was worried. that you felt like that , too i also shouldn't have assumed
( when she reads that he admits that he had been scared, wanda feels like she wants to throw up. it's the normal, expected reaction, but reading it makes her feel that so much is out of her control.
that nauseating feeling turns into worry when he says that something else happened, and though relief should flood her over it having nothing to do with her, it's still—
[ He could have lied to her. Told her that he hadn't been afraid of the strangeness of it all. It would be easy over text. But there's no point in trying to hide something from someone who can read feelings. And frankly, he doesn't have a desire to lie. Not to her. ]
( ultimately, wanda now realizes, that she can trust whatever cassian tells her. if there's one thing about him that holds steadfast since she's met him, it's that he wouldn't lie to her.
whyever that may be... )
say hi to amos if you see him. i'll wait for you at your motel if you let me know when you'll be back
[ There's no shortage of work to be done at the Scrapyard that will keep his mind occupied and away from whatever awaits him upon his return. To give him some credit he does a mostly okay job keeping his mind off things.
But that's a substantially more difficult thing to do when he's driving back and has little else to do but think. But he makes it back to the city in good time, pulling up in front of the motel to see her waiting.
He's certainly not dressed to impress; his clothes are stained with oil and he's in need of shave and a shower. But at least he doesn't smell. ]
( when cassian messages her that he's heading back to panorama, wanda sends him an ok as a reply, calculates the time it takes to drive from there to the city, and is comfortably waiting only about 20 minutes at the bottom step of the motel's stairs.
unlike cassian, idleness knits her mind into threads of thoughts that form ideas that form into entire scenarios; she wonders what else happened to cassian, wonders how it makes her feel to know that she feels so comfortable with him, and practices what she might say upon seeing him again.
well, it's not really a greeting, when he asks if she's been waiting long. wanda stands up, her hands holding up the weight of a small cardboard box. )
Maybe 10 minutes.
( or double that, but—
she looks down at the box, then back at him, and offers it to him. )
Sandwiches. In case you're hungry.
( they hadn't figured out the logistics of how he would teach her these things she's asked of him, so wanda isn't sure if he'd like to go to his room first after driving for so long. )
[ There's some level of relief knowing that he hadn't kept her waiting that long. Over the years he had developed a nasty habit of being late or simply never showing up sometimes - not because he intentionally meant to but because life seemed to perpetually throw him into situations beyond his control. This place included.
Lamenting about situations and how he seems to be a magnet for them however is neither here nor there.
The offered box is met with the slightest lift of his lips in appreciation. ]
Thank you.
[ But he puts them aside for the time being, or rather, holds onto the box, making no move to open them just yet. ]
( which should be answer enough that, no, she doesn't have places to be or other plans other than this. besides, he's just arrived after driving from the scrapyard; even if she was impatient or had to be elsewhere, she wouldn't make anyone immediately jump into another task.
he can take a break.
and because it's clear that he is a good carer for droids, wanda adds, as she starts making her way toward the stairs, until he leads the way to his motel room: )
If you're going to be out of Panorama for a long time, I should look after C4T. Someone I work with was saying that they returned to their room once and the locks were changed.
( glancing at him, hand on the railing of the stairs, shoulder pressed to the wall, comes the offer, )
I can look after some of your stuff. Just in case.
( maybe she feels indebted to him, but that's not entirely why she's being somewhat pushy and wanting him to rely on her more. )
Wanda [ He can't help but start, this time looking mildly amused. ] I don't have to check on C4T. They're probably fine.
[ After all when he'd left he'd left them on their charging dock. And hypothetically, C4T shouldn't have moved from that spot.
But it seems that Wanda is intent on this, and though he gives a huff of mild amusement he ends up leading the way back up to his motel room. ]
I'm friendly with the manager. I don't think they would do that.
[ Mostly because he'd taken up a temporary and very loose title of motel maintenance guy. As cut throat as the city could be, it probably wasn't a good idea to lock out the guy that was doing most of the repairs pro bono. (Well, and for maybe a bit of a cut on his motel rate, but it was still mostly free work.) It's only when he's unlocking his door to let her in first that he asks, with perhaps a little more concern - ]
( it's entirely suffocating how his amusement feels a little judgmental, but wanda concedes that that's entirely her own perception. especially when her ushering to check up on c4t feels like it's being met with more resistance than otherwise, as well as her offers to do something for him.
it's the reason why, when he unlocks the door to his room, that wanda stays rooted to the spot even despite his body language that reads: you go in first.
it's the question, too, that makes her feel inadequate.
with a shrug of her shoulders, her gaze turns downwards, and she's fidgeting now, pulling at the sleeves of her jacket over her wrists, to cover her hands, fingers; it's such a bad habit, stretching her clothes out like this, but there's comfort in trying to hide, make herself small. )
Does something have to happen for us to hang around each other?
( does the illusion she cast, unknowingly, that nearly drowned them both in a very metaphorical sense really press such an image of her onto his mind? that something ought to happen in order for her to want to be with him? talk to him? )
[ There's no denying that what she feels he's projecting is in her mind. But as she stands there in the doorway it occurs to him that perhaps some of his amusement isn't entirely appropriate in this moment. Whatever levity might have existed in his expression immediately drops as she begins to fidget, makes herself small.
Almost immediately he reaches out, gently gathering her hands in his for a moment if just to still her. ]
No. [ And when she eventually looks up he continues. ] Nothing had to happen. That's just what I'm used to, Wanda.
[ There's another pause as he holds her gaze suddenly overcome with the oddest feeling. Like he can feel the anxiety that prickles across her skin on his own. ]
I got into some trouble. I didn't want to get anyone involved. That's why I left.
( gathering her hands in his untethers wanda from this ugly feeling pulsing through her skin, this expanding anxiety that was gaining traction in diminishing how she feels about her place in the world. it's a constant, ever since she lost pietro, of being uncertain that she's doing anything right—of believing that she has nowhere else to fit in, with people.
it's warm, even if she wasn't feeling particularly cold, and as wanda remains stuck to where she stands, feeling it all melt away as her gaze keeps to his brown eyes, his words knock away her worries. )
You did say.
( —is her whispered response, letting him finish what he wants to say. no, cassian hadn't said exactly why he had left, but he had alluded to it in a way that made her figure it was something like it.
she can't really pinpoint if he came back because he wanted to, or because of her asking to see him. regardless of the answer, wanda reminds herself that he didn't seem annoyed or disappointed to find her waiting, and his wariness comes from wanting to keep her uninvolved.
suddenly, it becomes a little less difficult to ascertain where she stands with him. )
You're always helping me when I'm in a pinch. ( when he had offered her a ride out in the fringes, picking her up from the rave when she was out of it, when he came looking for her when she was drowning inside her grief, even after he had banged the door into her nose— ) Let me return the favor some time.
( that certainty cements itself in wanda pulling her hands away now, if just to wrap her arms around him for an embrace, her anxieties gone now (if just to be replaced by a different kind of sentiment). sounding a little annoyed, she says, )
I know how to handle 'some trouble'.
( and draws away, as to not make the moment any more awkward. )
[ In some ways Cassian can relate to that. Feeling "othered", feeling as if he didn't necessarily belong even if the majority of those around him were technically kind and welcoming to him. In reality he hadn't felt like he was a part of Ferrix's stone and sky until he had earned it. Even when he felt like he had, even when people accepted him as a part of the planet's fabric and its community, he still felt like a part of him existed elsewhere. Still feels like that in fact. Though, like any wound, it eventually heals even if it stays persistent.
Maybe that's what it feels like for Wanda. He hasn't asked so he can presume. But the feeling that resonates from her (he can't even begin to understand why he feels that way) only seems to prove that assumption. They stand there in the doorway to his room seemingly trying to puzzle one another out until Wanda seems to come to her own conclusion first and wraps her arms around him for an embrace that is returned though brief.
When she pulls away he's left standing there again with amusement peppering his expression. ]
I know. You told me.
[ There's more that it seems he'd like to say before stopping himself short. Telling her that he doesn't want to get her involved, telling her that it isn't her fight or mess to help clean up seems like a moot point. So for now he acquiesces, the corners of his lips twitching upwards in appreciation before ushering her inside as the sounds of C4T stir from inside. ]
( after losing pietro, it was difficult for wanda to feel like she could hold a bond with someone as close as she did with him. being wrapped up in an embrace came without asking, and there was never any feeling of awkwardness or shame about it. ever since coming here, she's been learning that letting her hands be held feels gentle; letting herself be hugged back feels warm.
it'd be easy to brace herself for an expected teasing from cassian during or afterward, but it never comes. and that's the bit that surprises her, how much she can still be surprised (and feel content about).
he smiles softly and wanda can't help but mirror him, doing the same, shrugging her shoulders as she's ushered in. )
Right, robots. And teaching me about cars— ( she looks at him from over her shoulder ) —don't forget.
( before her attention falls, ultimately, in the robot that she considers more of a pet than actual object. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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yes. unless you didn't want to talk to me
?
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Why wouldn't I want to talk to you?
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2/2
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I'm not. I wasn't.
I thought you might want space after what happened.
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why would i want space from you ?
( he's always bailing her out of #situations (walking back from the resort, the rave, the maelstrom of feelings—), so it's not like he's been a negative fixture in her life here in diadem.
rather, she thinks as her hold on her phone tightens, he might consider her burdensome instead. )
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I ran into other people who wanted that.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed.
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we're friends , right ?
i like being around you. so don't think i want to get rid of you
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Which makes this all the more uncomfortable. And what makes his text message apology seem disingenuous to him. Whatever pebble she'd tossed into the metaphorical pond is doing its job; several emotions begin to bubble in his chest as he stares at her text, brow furrowing even more at the wording of it. Is this still about what he'd done? ]
We're friends.
But wanting space after something like that and getting rid of me aren't the same thing.
You know that, right?
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the confirmation that they're friends (look at how far they've come) makes her tense shoulders relax for a moment, as she finds the words to answer to him. )
i'm used to people not wanting to be around me anymore because of the things i can do. it scares them.
( this being something she had told him before, when she first shared with him about part of her powers— )
i was worried. that you felt like that , too
i also shouldn't have assumed
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[ Subconsciously his hand goes to his chest where Logan had stabbed him and where gold had knitted itself into its skin. ]
Something else happened. After the meteor shower.
[ A couple of somethings actually. ]
I also needed to get away. But that didn't have anything to do with you.
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that nauseating feeling turns into worry when he says that something else happened, and though relief should flood her over it having nothing to do with her, it's still—
she wishes she understood him better. )
would you tell me about it some time ?
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Tomorrow when I'm there
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( ultimately, wanda now realizes, that she can trust whatever cassian tells her. if there's one thing about him that holds steadfast since she's met him, it's that he wouldn't lie to her.
whyever that may be... )
say hi to amos if you see him.
i'll wait for you at your motel if you let me know when you'll be back
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I'll see you then.
[ There's no shortage of work to be done at the Scrapyard that will keep his mind occupied and away from whatever awaits him upon his return. To give him some credit he does a mostly okay job keeping his mind off things.
But that's a substantially more difficult thing to do when he's driving back and has little else to do but think. But he makes it back to the city in good time, pulling up in front of the motel to see her waiting.
He's certainly not dressed to impress; his clothes are stained with oil and he's in need of shave and a shower. But at least he doesn't smell. ]
Were you waiting long?
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unlike cassian, idleness knits her mind into threads of thoughts that form ideas that form into entire scenarios; she wonders what else happened to cassian, wonders how it makes her feel to know that she feels so comfortable with him, and practices what she might say upon seeing him again.
well, it's not really a greeting, when he asks if she's been waiting long. wanda stands up, her hands holding up the weight of a small cardboard box. )
Maybe 10 minutes.
( or double that, but—
she looks down at the box, then back at him, and offers it to him. )
Sandwiches. In case you're hungry.
( they hadn't figured out the logistics of how he would teach her these things she's asked of him, so wanda isn't sure if he'd like to go to his room first after driving for so long. )
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Lamenting about situations and how he seems to be a magnet for them however is neither here nor there.
The offered box is met with the slightest lift of his lips in appreciation. ]
Thank you.
[ But he puts them aside for the time being, or rather, holds onto the box, making no move to open them just yet. ]
Would you rather do the lesson now?
[ Maybe she has places to be or plans. ]
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( which should be answer enough that, no, she doesn't have places to be or other plans other than this. besides, he's just arrived after driving from the scrapyard; even if she was impatient or had to be elsewhere, she wouldn't make anyone immediately jump into another task.
he can take a break.
and because it's clear that he is a good carer for droids, wanda adds, as she starts making her way toward the stairs, until he leads the way to his motel room: )
If you're going to be out of Panorama for a long time, I should look after C4T. Someone I work with was saying that they returned to their room once and the locks were changed.
( glancing at him, hand on the railing of the stairs, shoulder pressed to the wall, comes the offer, )
I can look after some of your stuff. Just in case.
( maybe she feels indebted to him, but that's not entirely why she's being somewhat pushy and wanting him to rely on her more. )
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[ After all when he'd left he'd left them on their charging dock. And hypothetically, C4T shouldn't have moved from that spot.
But it seems that Wanda is intent on this, and though he gives a huff of mild amusement he ends up leading the way back up to his motel room. ]
I'm friendly with the manager. I don't think they would do that.
[ Mostly because he'd taken up a temporary and very loose title of motel maintenance guy. As cut throat as the city could be, it probably wasn't a good idea to lock out the guy that was doing most of the repairs pro bono. (Well, and for maybe a bit of a cut on his motel rate, but it was still mostly free work.) It's only when he's unlocking his door to let her in first that he asks, with perhaps a little more concern - ]
Did something happen?
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it's the reason why, when he unlocks the door to his room, that wanda stays rooted to the spot even despite his body language that reads: you go in first.
it's the question, too, that makes her feel inadequate.
with a shrug of her shoulders, her gaze turns downwards, and she's fidgeting now, pulling at the sleeves of her jacket over her wrists, to cover her hands, fingers; it's such a bad habit, stretching her clothes out like this, but there's comfort in trying to hide, make herself small. )
Does something have to happen for us to hang around each other?
( does the illusion she cast, unknowingly, that nearly drowned them both in a very metaphorical sense really press such an image of her onto his mind? that something ought to happen in order for her to want to be with him? talk to him? )
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Almost immediately he reaches out, gently gathering her hands in his for a moment if just to still her. ]
No. [ And when she eventually looks up he continues. ] Nothing had to happen. That's just what I'm used to, Wanda.
[ There's another pause as he holds her gaze suddenly overcome with the oddest feeling. Like he can feel the anxiety that prickles across her skin on his own. ]
I got into some trouble. I didn't want to get anyone involved. That's why I left.
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it's warm, even if she wasn't feeling particularly cold, and as wanda remains stuck to where she stands, feeling it all melt away as her gaze keeps to his brown eyes, his words knock away her worries. )
You did say.
( —is her whispered response, letting him finish what he wants to say. no, cassian hadn't said exactly why he had left, but he had alluded to it in a way that made her figure it was something like it.
she can't really pinpoint if he came back because he wanted to, or because of her asking to see him. regardless of the answer, wanda reminds herself that he didn't seem annoyed or disappointed to find her waiting, and his wariness comes from wanting to keep her uninvolved.
suddenly, it becomes a little less difficult to ascertain where she stands with him. )
You're always helping me when I'm in a pinch. ( when he had offered her a ride out in the fringes, picking her up from the rave when she was out of it, when he came looking for her when she was drowning inside her grief, even after he had banged the door into her nose— ) Let me return the favor some time.
( that certainty cements itself in wanda pulling her hands away now, if just to wrap her arms around him for an embrace, her anxieties gone now (if just to be replaced by a different kind of sentiment). sounding a little annoyed, she says, )
I know how to handle 'some trouble'.
( and draws away, as to not make the moment any more awkward. )
wrap soon?
Maybe that's what it feels like for Wanda. He hasn't asked so he can presume. But the feeling that resonates from her (he can't even begin to understand why he feels that way) only seems to prove that assumption. They stand there in the doorway to his room seemingly trying to puzzle one another out until Wanda seems to come to her own conclusion first and wraps her arms around him for an embrace that is returned though brief.
When she pulls away he's left standing there again with amusement peppering his expression. ]
I know. You told me.
[ There's more that it seems he'd like to say before stopping himself short. Telling her that he doesn't want to get her involved, telling her that it isn't her fight or mess to help clean up seems like a moot point. So for now he acquiesces, the corners of his lips twitching upwards in appreciation before ushering her inside as the sounds of C4T stir from inside. ]
Robots, right?
WRAP NOW!!!!
it'd be easy to brace herself for an expected teasing from cassian during or afterward, but it never comes. and that's the bit that surprises her, how much she can still be surprised (and feel content about).
he smiles softly and wanda can't help but mirror him, doing the same, shrugging her shoulders as she's ushered in. )
Right, robots. And teaching me about cars— ( she looks at him from over her shoulder ) —don't forget.
( before her attention falls, ultimately, in the robot that she considers more of a pet than actual object. )